The Pink Penguin
by Author0fntent
Summary: At her first slumber party, Rei weaves a tale of mystery, intrigue, and...slapstick? Join us as the cast of Evangelion stars in a send-up of the comedy classic "The Pink Panther".


*Disclaimer: I own nothing of Gainax, the Mirisch Company, or United Artists. And I didn't steal anything either.*

**Prologue - Setting the Stage**

It was the middle of the evening as Rei got closer to Hikari's house. This was certainly a new experience for the First Child; she had never been invited to a party before in her life, let alone a slumber party. Hikari was kind enough to give her enough of a primer of what to wear, bring and do at one of these affairs, and Rei had managed to acquire a few items for the occasion. In her overnight bag were items that were all she just bought: pajamas, a sleeping bag, toiletries, and snacks. As soon as she got to the front door, she rang the bell and waited for an answer. She didn't have to wait long as her host opened the door.

"Ayanami! I'm so glad you could make it!" Hikari said as she greeted her blue-topped guest.

"Thank you for inviting me, Horaki," said Rei in return as she was led inside.

Hikari brought her into the living room where the rest of the guests were seated and chatting away. Present and accounted for were Asuka (not too fond of Hikari's extended invitation to Rei), Mana, Maria, Mayumi, and Mari. Hikari's older sister Kodama had the run of the place for the evening, while her father had taken their younger sister Nozomi to see a movie. As soon as Rei exchanged hellos with everyone else, she quickly went to another room to change into her PJ's and rejoin the group. Once settled, she took to listening in on the ever-shifting conversation, at least until dinner was ready. After everyone had eaten and cleaned up, they gathered around the living room again. Hikari then spoke up with a proposal for a little 'challenge'.

"Here's a guessing game I came up with yesterday," the class rep explained. "Each of us will pick a movie, and do our best to recount the plot. The catch is, we swap out the characters with people we know 'playing the parts'. Like me, for example, sticking Kodama as the lead in _Adventures in Babysitting_."

"A cinematic storytelling contest?" Mayumi asked. "That does sound challenging."

"HA! Get the popcorn ready, folks-this'll be a cakewalk for yours truly," boasted Asuka.

"Y'know, I always wanted to direct," Mari cheekily added.

"Too bad our special effects budget is zilch," said Mana.

"Mind if I add another wrinkle?" Maria inquired. "How about this-at any point in the story, any one of us can jump in with a quick riff, like in _Mystery Science Theater 3000_?"

"What is that?" Rei asked the reserve EVA pilot.

"It's an old American show," Asuka elaborated. "This one guy and a couple of robots are forced to sit through some lame sci-fi movie, so they bear it by making fun of it at every turn."

"Hmmm, that does sound good for a laugh," said Hikari. "All right, consider that a new rule. Everyone pick a movie, and then we'll go around clockwise."

Each girl gave it some thought, before giving a nod indicating they were ready. Hikari, as hostess, went first, doing her own spin on _A League of Their Own_. Mayumi garnered more than a few chuckles with her recounting of _The Princess Bride_. Maria, ever the red-blooded American, chose her favorite Western, the 1959 classic _Rio Bravo_. Mana, the military brat of the bunch, gave a good take on _Top Gun_. Mari unnerved everyone with her chilling retelling of _Psycho_, more so due to her portrayal of Shinji standing in for Norman Bates (something a few found unsettling and almost fitting); Asuka wasn't too happy that she got 'cast' as the Janet Leigh character. Asuka herself decided to go for something just as suspenseful with an iconic example of her home country's expressionist film-making history: _The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari_ (or in her case, The Cabinet of Dr. Akagi). Finally, it was down to Rei.

"So whaddya got for us, Blue?" Mari eagerly asked.

"Eh, I wouldn't bother," Asuka smugly said, "I bet Wondergirl here hasn't seen a single movie in her life!"

"ASUKA!" Hikari scolded.

"Actually, I have seen a movie occasionally," Rei said. "In fact, a few days before, I recently happened to see one on television, and it has since become my personal favorite."

"Well, don't keep us in suspense," Mana implored, "What was it?"

Rei let a small smile appear on her face. "It was an old pre-Second Impact American comedy, a screwball farce disguised as a mystery; and it all centers around a uniquely-flawed diamond..."

**Author0fIntent Presents:**

**The Pink Penguin**

**An Evangelion Parody**

**End Prologue.**

****Author's Note**  
And so begins my next EVA-themed spoof of a classic comedy. And don't worry folks, I'm not looking to the god-awful Steve Martin remake for inspiration. It's all Sellers from here on out.**


End file.
